As students enter the classroom first thing in the morning . . .
Gwendolyn: Miss? You got any lotion?
Me: Yup. In my bottom left drawer.
Gwendolyn: Oh, I like this lotion. It's good.
Me: Thanks. I like it too.
Grace: I like Palmer's.
Gwendolyn: Uh huh. And Suave is too watery.
Nadine: Yeah, but Palmer's is too thick for me.
Grace: What's that lotion in the blue bottle?
Me (thinking): . . . Nivea?
Grace: Yeah! That's it.
Gwendolyn (to me, laughing): That's what you should have, Miss. That's white people's lotion.
Me: I'm sorry. What?
Elizabeth: What? Why?
Gwendolyn (as others nod in agreement): I dunno. It just is.
Me: Hmm. Okay. Whatever. So the lotion I just gave you isn't white people's lotion?
Nadine (laughing): Naw, Miss, it's good for us, too. See? It's in a brown bottle!
Me: O, lord. . . but if Nivea's in a blue bottle, why is it for white people? . . .
Samantha: Can I have some too? I'm mad ashy today.
Elizabeth: Oh yeah! Me, too.
Me: . . . I can see you're not going to answer my question . . .
Samantha (to Elizabeth): White people don't get ashy!
Elizabeth: What? Yeah, we do.
Samantha: No, you don't. Or if you do it doesn't show because you're pink.
Me: What? Pink?! I'm certainly not pink. I'm more of a . . . um . . . yellowy beige . . . AND Elizabeth and I will go without using lotion for a week just to prove that white people get ashy too.
Elizabeth (as others nod in agreement): I know, right?
Grace: Miss? May I have some lotion even though it's not for Puerto Ricans?
Me (sighing): Of course.
Showing posts with label appearance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label appearance. Show all posts
29 October 2008
Voices from the backseat: A little soothing mousse will do ya
I wish some of my students were as interested in their work as they are in my appearance. Each year, it seems that some feel they must comment on the way I look, often in a complimentary way, but occasionally with suggestions for improvement. This year, Grace seems particularly concerned that my hair is not as full and luxurious as she prefers.
On a bus ride home from visiting the State University College at Plattsburgh
Me: So how was the food today?
Blanche: It was scrumptious.
Me: Scrumptious?
Blanche: Scrumptious.
Me: I thought it was delectable.
Judith: What does that mean?
Me: The same thing as "scrumptious."
Grace (trying to fluff my rain-dampened hair from the seat behind me): You really need to add some volume to your hair.
Me: Judith, is she petting me?
Judith: I'm not sure.
Me: Jeez, Grace! My hair was a lot bigger before it got rained on!
Grace: I know. It's all right. I'm just trying to do what I can do.
Me: Hmmm.
Next day, as I sit at my computer before class begins
Grace (suddenly appearing behind me): So you didn't take my advice, I see.
Me: What advice?
Grace (as she pulls my hair back and fluffs it gently): About giving your hair some volume.
Me: I have a feeling you want me to spend more time on my hair than I'm willing to.
Grace (still fluffing, but more vigorously): Nope. You just need to work on it a little.
Me: I'll get right on that mousse, okay?
Grace: That's all I'm saying. A little mousse.
Me: If I get mousse, will you stay awake during class?
Grace: I can't promise that. You're not boring. It's just that your voice is so soothing . . .
Me (in a studiously low, soothing tone): O, Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaccccccce. I will trrrryyyy to give my hair volllllluuuuuummmmme if you try to stay awaaaaaaaaake. Deal?
Grace: Hmmm. Okay.
On a bus ride home from visiting the State University College at Plattsburgh
Me: So how was the food today?
Blanche: It was scrumptious.
Me: Scrumptious?
Blanche: Scrumptious.
Me: I thought it was delectable.
Judith: What does that mean?
Me: The same thing as "scrumptious."
Grace (trying to fluff my rain-dampened hair from the seat behind me): You really need to add some volume to your hair.
Me: Judith, is she petting me?
Judith: I'm not sure.
Me: Jeez, Grace! My hair was a lot bigger before it got rained on!
Grace: I know. It's all right. I'm just trying to do what I can do.
Me: Hmmm.
Next day, as I sit at my computer before class begins
Grace (suddenly appearing behind me): So you didn't take my advice, I see.
Me: What advice?
Grace (as she pulls my hair back and fluffs it gently): About giving your hair some volume.
Me: I have a feeling you want me to spend more time on my hair than I'm willing to.
Grace (still fluffing, but more vigorously): Nope. You just need to work on it a little.
Me: I'll get right on that mousse, okay?
Grace: That's all I'm saying. A little mousse.
Me: If I get mousse, will you stay awake during class?
Grace: I can't promise that. You're not boring. It's just that your voice is so soothing . . .
Me (in a studiously low, soothing tone): O, Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaccccccce. I will trrrryyyy to give my hair volllllluuuuuummmmme if you try to stay awaaaaaaaaake. Deal?
Grace: Hmmm. Okay.
26 February 2008
They'll be my mirror
How do people without students know who they are? I can't imagine having to judge my appearance or state of mind without their insight.
From Anton: "Do you know that your hair swings from side to side when you walk? It's like the Brady Bunch."
Unfortunately, I understand the reference, that I apparently have the Jan Brady walk that causes her long hair to perkily swing back and forth with the movements of her head. Although my hair is neither long nor blond, I spent the rest of the day concentrating on walking with my head very still. It was not easy. I eventually gave up.
From Katie, Justin, Maurice and Laquaisha, at various moments during the day: "Miss, you look mad tired."
Yes, in fact I did, and in fact, I was.
From Jahida: "Miss Huth, you'd look better with some red tips in your hair. I'll do it for you."
Although I did not take her up on her kind offer, I have no doubt that I would look better if my hair were any number of different colors.
From Quintel: "You look mad skinny now. Are you working out or something?"
Hmmmm . . . why can't males ever understand that females don't want to be "skinny" ? They want to be "slender" or "slim." I will grant him, in his youth, my assumption that he meant this kindly.
From Amber: "She (me) doesn't want to hear anymore of your stupid jokes! She's got work to do!"
While I was amused by the lame jokes, I did have work to do. Since I was sitting politely trying very hard not to look at my email, I'm not sure how she knew this.
This is just a small selection . . . but from just this week alone, my students have let me know that when I walk like Jan Brady, my boring-looking hair swings back and forth, possibly hiding the circles under my eyes from listening to too many jokes and not doing enough work.
If only they paid as much attention to their classwork.
From Anton: "Do you know that your hair swings from side to side when you walk? It's like the Brady Bunch."
Unfortunately, I understand the reference, that I apparently have the Jan Brady walk that causes her long hair to perkily swing back and forth with the movements of her head. Although my hair is neither long nor blond, I spent the rest of the day concentrating on walking with my head very still. It was not easy. I eventually gave up.
From Katie, Justin, Maurice and Laquaisha, at various moments during the day: "Miss, you look mad tired."
Yes, in fact I did, and in fact, I was.
From Jahida: "Miss Huth, you'd look better with some red tips in your hair. I'll do it for you."
Although I did not take her up on her kind offer, I have no doubt that I would look better if my hair were any number of different colors.
From Quintel: "You look mad skinny now. Are you working out or something?"
Hmmmm . . . why can't males ever understand that females don't want to be "skinny" ? They want to be "slender" or "slim." I will grant him, in his youth, my assumption that he meant this kindly.
From Amber: "She (me) doesn't want to hear anymore of your stupid jokes! She's got work to do!"
While I was amused by the lame jokes, I did have work to do. Since I was sitting politely trying very hard not to look at my email, I'm not sure how she knew this.
This is just a small selection . . . but from just this week alone, my students have let me know that when I walk like Jan Brady, my boring-looking hair swings back and forth, possibly hiding the circles under my eyes from listening to too many jokes and not doing enough work.
If only they paid as much attention to their classwork.
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