Voices from the backseat: A little soothing mousse will do ya

I wish some of my students were as interested in their work as they are in my appearance. Each year, it seems that some feel they must comment on the way I look, often in a complimentary way, but occasionally with suggestions for improvement. This year, Grace seems particularly concerned that my hair is not as full and luxurious as she prefers.

On a bus ride home from visiting the State University College at Plattsburgh

Me: So how was the food today?

Blanche: It was scrumptious.

Me: Scrumptious?

Blanche: Scrumptious.

Me: I thought it was delectable.

Judith: What does that mean?

Me: The same thing as "scrumptious."

Grace (trying to fluff my rain-dampened hair from the seat behind me): You really need to add some volume to your hair.

Me: Judith, is she petting me?

Judith: I'm not sure.

Me: Jeez, Grace! My hair was a lot bigger before it got rained on!

Grace: I know. It's all right. I'm just trying to do what I can do.

Me: Hmmm.

Next day, as I sit at my computer before class begins

Grace (suddenly appearing behind me): So you didn't take my advice, I see.

Me: What advice?

Grace (as she pulls my hair back and fluffs it gently): About giving your hair some volume.

Me: I have a feeling you want me to spend more time on my hair than I'm willing to.

Grace (still fluffing, but more vigorously): Nope. You just need to work on it a little.

Me: I'll get right on that mousse, okay?

Grace: That's all I'm saying. A little mousse.

Me: If I get mousse, will you stay awake during class?

Grace: I can't promise that. You're not boring. It's just that your voice is so soothing . . .

Me (in a studiously low, soothing tone): O, Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaccccccce. I will trrrryyyy to give my hair volllllluuuuuummmmme if you try to stay awaaaaaaaaake. Deal?

Grace: Hmmm. Okay.