As I try to use an LCD projector for the first time in three years . . .
Me (muttering to myself): . . . so this plug goes here, and then I have to . . .
Elizabeth: Miss Huth?
Me (on my knees under a table): Uh huh? Hang on. I have to plug this in.
Katherine: Um . . . Miss?
Blanche: Are you sure that goes there?
Me: Yes. Absolutely. Of course.
Katherine: But the light isn't on, and the computer monitor is blinking.
Me: Yup. S'posed to do that.
Katherine: Hmmm. I don't think so.
Me (tightening connections): There. Right?
Katherine: Oh. Yup. It's stopped blinking.
Elizabeth: So why isn't the projector light coming on?
Blanche: I mean, the light is supposed to be on.
Me: Um, I know.
Blanche: I'm just sayin'.
Sara: She's fine! She'll get it!
Me: Thank you, Sara. I appreciate your support. And may I just say that if I had had access to an LCD projector during the last three years, I would have this new one set up in no time. It's lack of practice.
Katherine: Do you want me to get Mr. G.?
Me: Mr. G.? Ha! I can do this myself!
Elizabeth (under her breath): Yeah, maybe by the end of the class . . .
Me: Hey! I'm right here!
Elizabeth: I mean, I have great faith in your ability to make this thing project onto the screen.
Me: That's better. Thank you. And look, that's the little button to turn it on.
Thomas: So . . . there's no light.
Me: And your point?
Thomas: Well, there's supposed to be light.
Me: Thank you. Yes. I know.
(Elizabeth, Blanche, Sara, Katherine and several others posit theories on why there is no light.)
Katherine (cautiously, after several minutes): Um, did you turn on the main switch?
Katherine: The main switch on the side of the cart.
Me: What swi . . . ? Man. No. Jeez.
(Blanche flips the switch and the projector shoots out a beam of light partly onto the wall but mostly onto the ceiling.)
Me: May I just say that I do know how to use technology? I mean, I do have an iPhone . . .
Sara: It's okay, Miss Huth. We know it's been a while.
Blanche (patiently): So now we have to lower the projector so it projects onto the screen, not the ceiling. See? You have to unscrew these little legs in front . . .
Me (heavy sigh): Oy. So this is what I've become. . . Look, I at least know how to do that.
Katherine: It's okay. We know. Now let's look at that SUNY Plattsburgh website, okay?