Stuff I heard myself saying in public at the start of a school year:

• Well, I don't know where they've hidden the PBIS matrices.


• Oh! That's a new obnoxious buzzing sound, isn't it?


• Okay. Today we're following an A day schedule, but we're also having mod 3 of a B day. So you go (pointing with index finger at the invisible columns in the air schedule) boom, boom, 1, 2, then boom (gesturing in the air up and to the right), that's mod 3, then boom (pointing back to the invisible column on the left). See?


• I'm really sorry, but I don't know where modular 6 is. It's not on the map.


• I'm really sorry, but I don't know where D52 is. In fact, I didn't know we had a D52 room.


• What happened to yesterday's end-of-class bell? It was gentle, like, "Oh, there's my elevator." Today it's back to a sound that makes me feel like a pointy pencil is being pushed through my ear.


• Oh, thanks, but I'm really just wearing a dress today because my school pants don't fit again yet.