12 April 2011

The appropriate time to discuss the zombie apocalypse is after I've had a second cup of coffee.

John: Miss? I can't wait for the zombie apocalypse!

Me: Well, John, even though I'm tempted to ask why, instead I'm going to redirect your attention to your research project.

John: Miss! But the zombie apocalypse is gonna be great! All those zombies crawling all over everything, falling apart all disgusting-like. Eyeballs flopping out. I keep hoping it'll happen, and now I bet it does. I can't wait!

Me: Sigh. First, there would be nothing great about a zombie apocalypse. Second, it's impossible. Third, you're supposed to be researching Galileo. Finally, it's wrong to discuss the zombie apocalypse at 8:07 in the morning.

John: Miss? Why don't you just say, "Get back to work!"?

Me: It's more fun my way.

John: So, back to the zombie apocalypse. I can't wait! I'm going to have all this food stored up, and computers, and I'll have weapons stashed all over . . .

Me (interrupting): If you're really going to insist on discussing this, then do it the right way. You need to consider what type of zombies you'll be dealing with. If they're slow-moving zombies like in Night of the Living Dead, you'd be all set with just a bat. Something to whack them in the head with. If they're really fast, like in 28 Days Later, you'd better have something else, like guns, so you can whack them from farther away. If there is a zombie apocalypse, you can't count on having electricity to run a computer. Besides, you'll be too busy fighting zombies to be on Facebook. Now, don't forget to consider whether your zombies are made from a virus, radiation or interplanetary interference. And whether you could become a zombie from a bite, or whether it's transmitted via body fluids. These are important things to take into account.


Me: What?

John (shaking head):You might be more interested in zombies than I am.

Me: Hmm. Perhaps. But even though my knowledge of zombies would help keep me safe in the event of a zombie apocalypse, I would never hope for one.

John: I guess you're right, Miss. If it happens, it happens. In the meantime, though, I think I have some more movies to watch.

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